Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Before I had kids, I dreamed of them. I imagined what they would look like. I dreamed of all of the wonderful things that would happen- the first smile, first tooth, first step, first day of school. Of the times they would snuggle up to me and say, "I love you, Mommy!"
I dreamed of the good things. We all do.
Then, this happens...
"I HATE YOU!"
And this becomes your job description...
When I had kids, I expected them to have a reasonably normal, if not perfect, life.
My oldest daughter is a junior in college, succeeding, and is beautiful, intelligent and talented. I praise God for her.
What I didn't think about years ago was that life happens.
I didn't think that my youngest daughter would be diagnosed with a chronic liver disease. I never dreamed that we would be facing a transplant in coming years. I didn't consider medications causing mood swings. I didn't anticipate failure in school because of illness and lack of motivation. I never had a clue that she would walk away from God. I never thought I'd be hearing those words... "I hate Dad. I hate you."
But I praise God for my youngest daughter.
She's been dealt an unfair hand. She's made decisions that break my heart. I don't even know how to help her, other than spending a lot of time on my knees. And I know I'll never win the Mother of the Year award.
But she's mine. My child. No matter what.
I once read a quote from a missionary woman, who suffered through horrible things. When asked how she made it through all of her suffering, she said, "I must ask myself a question as if from the Lord. 'Can you thank Me for trusting you with this, even if I never tell you why?' "
I don't have any answers about why this happened, or what the future holds. Tomorrow is another medical appointment. We'll find out some test results, and where we go next. It's scary. But I trust in a God who can calm the storm and is in control.
And should my daughters read this, know that Mom loves you with all her heart.
Posted by Sue at 8:56 PM