Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Children


Our children...

Before I had kids, I dreamed of them.  I imagined what they would look like.  I dreamed of all of the wonderful things that would happen- the first smile, first tooth, first step, first day of school.  Of the times they would snuggle up to me and say, "I love you, Mommy!"

I dreamed of the good things.  We all do.

Then, this happens...



"I HATE YOU!"

And this becomes your job description...



When I had kids, I expected them to have a reasonably normal, if not perfect, life.

 My oldest daughter is a junior in college, succeeding, and is beautiful, intelligent and talented.  I praise God for her.

 What I didn't think about years ago was that life happens.

I didn't think that my youngest daughter would be diagnosed with a chronic liver disease.  I never dreamed that we would be facing a transplant in coming years.  I didn't consider medications causing mood swings.  I didn't anticipate failure in school because of illness and lack of motivation.  I never had a clue that she would walk away from God.  I never thought I'd be hearing those words... "I hate Dad.  I hate you."

But I praise God for my youngest daughter.

She's been dealt an unfair hand.  She's made decisions that break my heart.  I don't even know how to help her, other than spending a lot of time on my knees.  And I know I'll never win the Mother of the Year award.

But she's mine.  My child.  No matter what.

I once read a quote from a missionary woman, who suffered through horrible things.  When asked how she made it through all of her suffering, she said, "I must ask myself a question as if from the Lord. 'Can you thank Me for trusting you with this, even if I never tell you why?' "

I don't have any answers about why this happened, or what the future holds.  Tomorrow is another medical appointment.  We'll find out some test results, and where we go next.  It's scary.  But I trust in a God who can calm the storm and is in control.

And should my daughters read this, know that Mom loves you with all her heart.

4 comments:

rosechicfriends said...

Hi Sue,
I am so glad you stopped by and left me a comment. I KNOW your heart and the hurt you are feeling.

I am so glad I was able to visit and read your post. You are a great mom who loves her daughter very much. We mom's only want the very best for our children, even when they don't see it yet. If you ever need to vent or a should to cry on...I hope you stop by and let be that for you. During some of the hardest times I have had w/my daughter GOD has used songs to help...Casting Crowns, Praise You in the Storms has been a life line for me and hit home so many times.

I was given one child. She loves the Lord but has always been like 3 children, wrapped into one. She has a zest for life and often gets caught up in that and doesn't always make good choices. But GOD has been by my side with a great hubby to as we parent each step of the way.

The fact that your daughter is telling you she HATES you means you are doing the right things for her right now. Have you gotten her into any counseling to help her cope with her illness? We had a crisis situation a few years ago and caught things early and I praise GOD that I got my daughter into counseling.

Again feel free to come by any time!
Blessings,
Lorena

Sue said...

Lorena, thank you!

We have done some counseling. I think she should have more, but she isn't interested/willing right now. Most of the issues right now aren't medical, but have to do with dishonesty.

I love "Praise You in the storm" too, right now my favorite is "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson- I love the message.

Thanks so much for responding... it's good to know that someone can relate.

Sue

Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottage said...

Hi Sue,
I feel your pain. I see you received a loving comment from my good friend Lorena.
I too had a troubled child. Mine was my second boy and he was a handful from the day he was born! I always said if he had been born first I probably wouldn't have had any more. He really put us through a lot when he was in his teens. No amount of counseling helped and God is who got me through it all. My youngest boy needed me too so I couldn't give up although there were days when I felt like it! So please be encouraged, this too shall pass! I know because I've been there.
Today my son is a man with a family of his own and he and I are great friends and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is such a sweety today who loves his mother and the rest of the family!
The Lord bless you and give you strength and wisdom as you go through this trial. The Lord, He is all you will ever need, really! Prayer will change things because it did for me. Praying for you and your situation.

Blessings,
Sandi

Sue said...

Thank you, Sandi! I appreciate your comments. It helps to know I'm not the only one who has had to deal with these issues. Sometimes I guess I just need to be reminded to keep praying!